I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
