Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
