no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
