weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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