I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
