paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
