tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
