i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
