My hand turned me down
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
