I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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