just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
