You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
