Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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