I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
