I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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