Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
