the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
