Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
