I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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