my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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