Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
