We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
