i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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