you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize