There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
