you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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