fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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