I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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