Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
