He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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