He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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