Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
