You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
