3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
