Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
