Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
