clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
