It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
