I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
