GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
