i may or may not be watching the land before time
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
