made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
