oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
