Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
