Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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