Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
