what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
