Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
