He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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