Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
