A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
