so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
