White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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