I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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