In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
