All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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