I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
