I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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