Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
