im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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