I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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