hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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