he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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