Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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