I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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