You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize