i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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